Ilham, first of all, I want to apologize.
I’m really, really sorry. You must have noticed that I’ve changed a lot recently.
To be honest, it’s been a year. I’m confused.
I don’t know how to continue this relationship.
You’re very kind. But it’s me.
My feelings for you are no longer there.
Shattered Glass
Yesterday, on 30 January 2025, I finally opened my heart. After years of silence, I took a step forward, registering on Muzz—a decision born from my parents’ concern for my future. Since my engagement fell apart in February 2022, I have struggled to move on, caught between regret and the lingering pain of what once was.
The wound of giving my love to the wrong person cut deep. I was faithful, sincere, and unwavering, yet in the end, she no longer had a place for me in her heart. That day, I felt more than sorrow—I felt loss, not just of love, but of time, devotion, and a dream that was never meant to be.
But only Allah knows what is best. My parents, siblings, cousins, and friends reminded me: Allah has already written our paths. Had I continued down that road, the consequences may have been far worse than the heartbreak I endured. What I thought was a tragedy was, in truth, a mercy.
Fictional Poisoning
I always knew she was not the only woman in the world. Yet, my heart refused to heal. I did not cry—I silenced my emotions, locking them away where they could not touch me. In my loneliness, I sought refuge in fiction, convincing myself that if real love only led to suffering, then perhaps loving something that did not exist was a safer choice.
But the illusion could not last forever. No matter how much I tried to embrace a world of make-believe, reality always pulled me back. Life is not meant to be lived in solitude, nor in a fantasy of one’s own making. True companionship is real, tangible, and meant to be shared. And so, I began seeking a life partner—not just anyone, but the one whom Allah has written for me, the one with whom I could walk this journey until the end.
The Acceptance
I no longer seek beauty in fleeting appearances; I seek a heart that understands. Love is not about perfection but about enduring hardships together, standing side by side when life is at its most difficult. A love that supports, struggles, and grows—that is the love I now seek.
And so, I turn to Allah, asking not just for love, but for a borrowed gift—a righteous wife with whom I can build a life, one that will last until the end. Because in truth, nothing in this world is ours forever; everything is but a trust from Him.
Now, as I prepare to take the next step, marriage may soon be on the horizon. To those who have supported me, guided me, and illuminated my path—thank you. Your prayers, advice, and kindness have helped me find my way.
May Allah bless you all, and may He guide me to the one who will walk this journey with me, hand in hand, until the end.
